I haven’t been writing and blogging very much. I haven’t been going to the gym and working out very much. I haven’t been exploring the ports here very much. All of this is brought to you by burnout.
Thankfully, there’s only one week left of this contract (holy moly). And I’m well ready to be done.
On my three-week “vacation” prior to coming back on Adventure, I spent maybe five days of it actually resting. The effects of which I’m definitely feeling now.
And living on a ship isn’t the best place to recover from being overworked. Our air is circulated over and over and we live in a huge magnet (as Kelly recently opened my eyes to), so if your immune system is compromised, you will get sick. And I have definitely been sick. For what sometimes feels endless. I’ve had to miss shows, endure constant sniffles, and it’s been a while since I’ve felt genuinely energized.
The food won’t really nourish you as I’ve mentioned in previous posts (which you can read here). So, good luck with any kind of detox from the inside out.
Also, I have a tendency to overdo it when it comes to the gym and being active. I really like to move and I’m also a bit of a perfectionist. So, when I start a workout regimen, I like to stick with it. I’ll feel guilty if I miss a day at the gym. Which is honestly just silly.
On top of all that, I’m back in the limbo stage of not knowing what’s next. And as stressful as it can be, I seem to be dealing with it a lot better than in the past. Something will come my way, and for now it feels a lot easier to enjoy having options versus panicking about the unknown. Nonetheless, I’m sure it doesn’t necessarily help with feeling burnt out.
I’ve also felt like my relationship with dance has been strained lately. At the most basic level, my feet hurt. At its worst during shows, I have to limp as soon as I hit the wings. Clearly a sign that I need a break. But besides my body hurting, the more I learn about the dance industry and what it takes to “succeed” in this field, I’m contemplating more and more if it’s lining up with my values. Do I push myself to the absolute limit in order for my body to look a certain way? Do I want to play the game and be someone else in order to get a job? For now, yes. Well… sort of. I’m finding a balance. I still want to dance for a living while I can. And I love it for what it is; When I’m on stage and actually doing the job. As for the rest, I’m still deciding. Maybe I’ll go into writing. ;)
Ok, I'll end this rant. I think you get it.
The good news is that I’m so close to having a real break. SO close. My parents are letting me crash at their house for as long as I need. I’m planning on sleeping for a solid week and eating only whole foods. I want to binge on Saturday Night Live and wake up to Florida sunshine in the windows.
Then I’m going to Australia. Stay tuned for that.
Overall, I’m burnt out. Probably more than I’ve ever been. But I’m very excited for the future, unknowns and all, and that excitement is what gets me through.
Let's just remember that doing your best doesn't mean running yourself ragged. I've been re-learning this again and again.
Take care, friends.